Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed

I feel like I know a lot about relationships.

I’m not sure what makes me bold enough to claim that. I’m only 25, I don’t have a degree in psychology, and I’ve been married a *whopping* 11 months (minus a day lol).

But I feel like I have something to bring to the table when it comes to love and men. I’m observant. I’m sensitive. I’m no-nonsense. I have a great love life. I’ve been told (#humblebrag warning!) I give great advice when it comes to those strange creatures of the male species. Okay… maybe those statements were all humble brags, but since I regularly confess insecurities, failures and worries on this blog, I can brag a little too right?! 😉

So without further ado, I give you Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date.

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed

It Begins With Warped Philosophies

Unfortunately, women are taught some false things when it comes to men. Maybe you live in a small sleepy town, and you’ve been taught that your only value as a woman is to be a man’s Eve. You’ve been brought up thinking specific things make you “wife material” and certain other things will give you “a reputation.”

Or maybe you live somewhere a bit faster paced, and you’ve been taught to put off love in favor of your career, to remain a “strong, independent women” as long as possible. Or–regardless of where you’re from–maybe you’ve just watched so many romcoms (no shame in that game! I love romcoms) that you think love is supposed to be a cinematic rollercoaster. You think that conflict is synonymous with passion.

I have some different ideas on love and men. I think a woman is valuable single or taken. I think vulnerability is brave. I don’t think a woman necessarily becomes less strong or career-oriented when she falls for someone. I don’t think that the love stories that fluctuate daily between euphoric highs and soul-shattering lows frequently end in “happily ever afters.”

I think we’re filled with the wrong ideas. And sometimes the wrong ideas lead to the wrong men. Hell–sometimes the wrong men just FIND us!

So who are the wrong men? We’ve already heard the warnings of our older sisters, moms, and grandmas when it comes to dashing bad boys, serial cheaters, and men who have no ambition. But I want to delve into some subtler characteristics that should make your red-flag-dar beep.

#1- The Guy With Something to Prove

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
**HELL YEAH, I finally have a girl hotter than the ones Jim always pulls… SCREW YOU JIM.**

Don’t we all have something to prove? Don’t we all want to show the world our inherent worth?

Well, yes, to a degree. But people who are hell-bent on getting some sort of revenge on the world can be very damaging to date. Some men are constantly trying to prove themselves, climb the social ladder, and give the people they perceive as their Haters/Motivators the middle finger– using his left hand to flash his Rolex, of course!

Sure, he might genuinely like you or even be in love with you, but unfortunately this like/love is hugely contingent on what other people think. The night a college buddy tells him, “Whoa your new girlfriend is hot. Nice work dude!” is the best night of his life. He treats you just a little bit better the whole following week, and you melt over the extra adoration in his eyes and the surprise bouquet of roses.Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed But sadly, the roses weren’t entirely for you. They were for the part of you that impressed College Buddy. He views CB as an alpha male and wants to have CB’s respect in return. When CB gave him props on the hot babe he snagged (you!), your man didn’t just grin and say “Thanks bro,” before returning his gaze to the game on TV. He was over the damn moon!!! Is that completely healthy?

It’s a wonderful thing when you get along with your man’s friends and they like you back. But make sure you’re not getting used as a prop in his quest for social validation. If he distances himself when a buddy doesn’t seem to like you, or he notices that his boss’s wife didn’t compliment your dress at the office holiday party (“Maybe you should have worn a different outfit… She complimented Mark’s fiance’s dress!”) then you might want to do some soul-searching.

Does he love you in part because you’re a sexy EFF YOU to the highschool cheerleader who thought he was too nerdy to date 12 years ago? Is he a little too obsessed with the idea that all influential businessmen need a supermodel wife and three Gerber campaign-worthy little ones? Did he spend hours analyzing whether “you made a bad impression” on his favorite cousin Tom?

It can be fun to feel like a sexy trophy on your man’s arm. It’s fun to feel him swell with pride when he walks into a room with you. It’s sweet when he brags to his mom about how you graduated summa cum laude or tells his sister about your promotion.

But make sure that’s not ALL he loves about you!

Make sure the pride he feels goes deeper than your “on paper” accomplishments or how you look in that LBD.

The Guy With Something to Prove isn’t always easy to spot. He can be successful, charming, and genuinely into you! But he’s also insecure, weak, and superficial. If your man’s peers and superiors have the power to severely enhance or dampen his enthusiasm toward you, you might want to call it quits. He’s not necessarily a bad person, but he can call you back when he grows a backbone and rearranges his priorities.

#2- The Guy Who Loves You Too Fast

Have you ever dated a guy who was obsessed with you from the minute he laid eyes on you?

He put you on a solid gold pedestal and it was amazing!!!! …for the first 2-3 months.

But after that, his eyes began to wander. Maybe other parts of him began to wander. You started having to text and call him first, and when you did, he acted like you were some kind of nuisance. Like you were his mom telling him to unload the dishwasher, rather than the girl he’d treated like a princess a mere month ago.

If this sounds familiar, you may be dating a guy who’s in love with falling in love.

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed He doesn’t love you, he loves that fresh, giddy “you take my breath away” feeling. He may have been smitten by you at first sight, but he felt the same way about each of his 37 ex-girlfriends! He meets a woman, falls fast… and falls back out of love just as fast.

He’s flighty. Usually that’s an adjective more commonly directed at women, but men can be flighty too. They can be hopeless romantics. They can be easily distracted by shiny objects.

Popular culture often depicts love as this intense slowmo moment where your eyes lock and you just *know* that hottie in line at the bank is your future life partner. And men fall for this fluffy ideal just as easily as we do.

If a guy seems to be moving at breakneck speeds emotionally, you may want to be careful. It’s really tough not to take every compliment, doting remark, and declaration of everlasting love at face value. After all, you are every bit as incredible as he seems to think you are.

But how would he know that if he doesn’t truly know you yet?

#3- The Guy Who Wants You to Change

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
“Is it really THAT hard to dress up a little more?! Your grey tee shirt looks so stupid!!”

Okay so number 3 is dangerous territory.

Change is, to a degree, a natural part of being with someone (and life in general!). There are going to be things you wish your man did differently and there are going to be things he wishes you did differently– no matter how compatible or in love you are. And sometimes you learn a lot from those things.

Stephen told me for years, “You’re a little too competitive and invested in what other people think of you,” and I never wanted to hear it. Finally about a year ago I had this *crazy* epiphany: I was competitive, and far, far too invested in what others thought of me.

I shared my epiphany with my man, proud of my profound insight.

“I know, my beautiful babes, I’ve been telling you that for a long time,” was Stephen’s patient reply.

While I may not have been consciously aware of it, Stephen’s gentle pushing was one of the things that brought about the much-needed transformation. I was thankful that he challenged me and supported me through my journey toward that major mental change.

When I say, “the guy who wants you to change,” I’m NOT talking about changes like these:

  • “You should be more confident, my smart beautiful girl!”
  • “Hey honey, if you’re having so much trouble with your Economics class, why don’t you study instead of online shop right now?” (I know, I know… I’d be mildly irked too. 😉 ) 
  • “I know you think you’re terrible at tennis, but I’d love it if you played with me anyway!”
  • “Babe if you hate your job that much, why don’t you consider an eventual career pivot?”

Sure, these are all invitations to change, but they’re gentle and considerate ones. They’re ones that have your best interests at heart.

When I say that you should steer clear of a guy who wants you to change, I’m talking about comments like THESE:

  • “I hate your style; can’t you dress more normal?”
  • “Can’t you get laser surgery for those freckles?”
  • “I swear if you mention religion in front of my friends again, I’m gonna be so pissed. I don’t want them thinking I date a prude.”
  • “Can’t you have cooler hobbies? Only nerdy girls like horses.”
  • “Why can’t you be more like my ex? She was so chill…”

And so on and so forth.

If he’s attacking your appearance, they way you express yourself, your morals and the things you’re interested in… do your self a favor and call it quits. There’s a guy out there who will love you for all the things that make you unique!

#4- The Guy Who’s in Love with his Ex

You might be thinking this is too obvious.

But trust me, women fall for men whose hearts are already spoken for all too often. I’ll share a personal example:

I had been single for a day or two after a longterm relationship had ended, and I was already trying to find my next Mister Right. I had discovered I preferred having a boyfriend to being single, so being on my own for a little while–the smart choice after a breakup–never crossed my mind.

Enter [Name Redacted], a hipster type who lived in the Florida State honors dormitory a couple floors below me. He was tall, charming, and troubled in the way that only upper middle class white boys can afford to be. Of course, I threw myself headlong into ensnaring my pretty victim.

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
Warby Parker Artistic Kale Kurt Vonnegut Bushwick Trader Joes Plaid Gluten Intolerant Instagram Too Pedestrian Beard Shop Local Misunderstood Cold Brew Organic Oakland You’ve Probably Never Heard of Them Flat White Cycling Craft Beers Farmers’ Market

The one issue was that [NR]–despite being attracted to me–was still intensely in love with his ex girlfriend of three years.

Being the control freak that I am… er, was *cough, cough*… I decided that I would force him to get over her. I marched full speed ahead into a train wreck of a situation.

Three weeks after my Dorm Hipster and I began our little fling, he dumped me for… Ah, you guessed it! The ex girlfriend he’d been madly in love with (and even told me he was still in love with!) the whole time. I cried for ten minutes and then moved on.

Half a year later, I had matured a bit emotionally and decided I didn’t need a boyfriend. I was going to spend summer 2010 young living “young and wild and free.” (That song didn’t actually come out until 2011 but whatever.)

Just three weeks into my carefree independent summer, I made out with a longtime crush while at a house party. Little did I know that this was my last first kiss!

We got married five years later.

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
Still kissin’ at parties! We probably looked a little classier at this one though… 😉

It’s not like Stephen’s and my road from party makeout to marriage wasn’t without hiccups or bumps. We’ve fought about school, work, money, family issues, and which one of us left the coffee pot on all day until the bottom charred.

But never during those five years of dating did Stephen’s eyes tear up over the treasured memories of a former girlfriend, or his fingers quiver over an ex’s number at 3 am, or his lips make wistful mention of a long lost lady love. He never gave any heavy-handed hints that he was still emotionally involved with any woman who wasn’t me.

If a guy is doing the things listed above, RUN.

He’s not a challenge or a competition. He’s not being dramatic when he says he misses her. I don’t care how funny or pretty or smart or talented or awesome you are; if your {potential} man loves his ex girlfriend, there is nothing you can do about it. And there’s nothing you should do about it.

#5- The Guy Who Hates his Ex

Hating your ex too much is basically the same as still being in love with your ex.

My parents always used this expression when I was growing up: where there there is strong feeling, there is mixed feeling.

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
“I JUST WANT TO CALL HER AND YELL AT HER BECAUSE I HATE HER SO MUCH…. AND THEN MAYBE HAVE SOME HATESEX…. wait what?!?!?”

Often the topic someone can’t shut up about is a topic that fascinates them. Have you ever known someone who hated on “pretentious vegans” for years and then went vegan? Or repeatedly claimed throughout high school that Greek life was shallow and idiotic, and then rushed a frat/sorority?

This is similar.

Regardless of whether it’s a seemingly negative obsession, do you really want a new flame who can’t stop talking about another woman?

If your boytoy has an intense preoccupation with the past, you might need to pump the brakes. Obviously he’s not over what happened. And if he’s not over what happened, he’s not truly ready for a new relationship. He needs some alone time to forgive, heal, realize his role in the breakup, work on himself as a person, and learn to love again.

#6- The Guy You Constantly Have to Reassure

Women love it when men get vulnerable. (Side note: some men take TOTAL ADVANTAGE of this, so watch out!)

We want to cuddle him when he tells us about being bullied in middle school, we smother him with kisses when he gets insecure about his little beer belly, and we listen adoringly when he analyzes how the hurdles of his past made him the man he is today.

Nothing is wrong with this. If you can’t be vulnerable in front of your other half, or you aren’t loving and supportive when your partner opens up about a hardship, the relationship isn’t going to go very far.

BUT if a guy constantly needs reassuring that he deserves to be with you, his self esteem might be a little too low. I’m not talking about cutesy banter like, “How did I get so lucky to deserve a woman like you?” “You’re crazy– I’M the lucky one here!” That’s fun and lighthearted.

I’m talking about the guy who sits on his bathroom floor after a night out, brooding over the fact that an attractive guy tried to hit you. The guy who feels like shit about himself if you give an enthusiastic hug to a platonic male friend. The guy who spends hours analyzing why you’re with “someone like him”. The guy who constantly agonizes that you’d have another man in a minute flat if the two of you ever broke up. The guy who alludes to, “When you dump me one day…” on a frequent basis. (He tries to make it sound like he’s messing around, but he’s an unconvincing actor.)

Any person has moments of insecurity, but you can’t be with a man who feels deeply undeserving of your love.

It’s not your job to hand-craft a sense of worthiness for someone. What’s more, it’s not possible. Self-esteem is exactly that: self-esteem. And if your guy is lacking in that category, the progress of your relationship is going to be majorly stunted.

#7- The Guy Who Thinks Things are Gross

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
“You opened that Pinot Noir THREE days ago?!? What if its flavor profile has been compromised??”

This is probably the weirdest item on the list, but it’s a personal pet peeve of mine. I can’t deal with high maintenance men in general, and it’s another whole level of turn-off when guys get all grossed out. Maybe I’m being sexist, but I think it isn’t manly.

It’s a different story if you’re just casually dating, but I don’t recommend settling down long-term with an easily grossed out dude. It’s a recipe for feeling bad about yourself.

Say you get a one of those Mega Zits and are obviously frustrated by it. You already hate the stupid thing, and you really don’t need a man who’s gonna make you feel even worse. Comments like, “Whoa I can’t even look at that monster!” or “Jeez I don’t know if I can be seen in public with you!” are not okay.

If he’s heaping on the pressure to lead some type of Stepford-y, airbrushed existence, it’s not going to be long before you feel drained and miserable. Maybe your dirty laundry piled up during a stressful week and he made a snide comment. Maybe he yelled at the waiter for the microscopic smudge on his wine glass. Maybe he wanted to immediately leave the family BBQ to change shirts when your cousin’s baby drooled on him.

Laundry, smudges, and drool are part of life and he should have taken them in stride. 

The same goes for periods. Whether or not you want to be intimate during that week is of course a private, personal decision between you and your partner. But no matter whether or not you physically express your affection, a woman should not be treated like she’s some kind of defective, hormone-ruled beast during her time of the month. 

I remember one time a friend and I were going to run errands later that day, and were casually going over what we needed to buy.

“… and I’m gonna grab a new conditioner, tampons, and some mascara when we hit CVS,” I was saying. Her then-boyfriend, who had been preoccupied on the other side of the room and who I didn’t even think was listening, sat bolt upright.

“TAMPONS????? YUCK MAYA WHY WOULD YOU MENTION THAT IN FRONT OF ME?” he exclaimed, visibly repulsed.

I was a bit surprised at this reaction. It’s not like I was being vulgar or painting some kind of detailed mental image regarding the tampons’ purpose.

If you’re dating a guy who acts like this, you may want to take a step back. I get that no one in a brand new relationship talks about tampons or pimples or pooping or anything like that. Everyone shows their best, most polished side at the beginning of things.

But if you’ve been dating a guy for a decent amount of time and feel like he’s judging hard when you let out a tiny, discreet burp (and say “Excuse me!”) after having beer and pizza… Well, that’s not the best sign.

Tell him you want a MAN, not a Little Miss Priss.

#8- The Guy Who’s Everyone’s Hero

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
“Hey girl, are you at least a 6.5 on the Scale of Ten?! If so, I’m here to fix your life for you!!!”

Have you ever dated a guy who couldn’t stop trying to solve other people’s problems? And by “other people” I mean “attractive female friends.”

At first you think it’s really sweet that he wants to help his longtime friend Amanda through her devastating breakup. It shows that he’s a kind person, plus you pride yourself on not being the jealous type.

But then he starts talking about Amanda and her feelings all the damn time. He steps out of the restaurant during date night to take a phone call from her. He buys her a bottle of “feel better” wine when her ex immediately rebounds with an Adriana Lima lookalike.

You’re a compassionate woman, you feel for Amanda (Seeing a recent ex snag an Adriana Lima lookalike would suck big time!!!), and you don’t want to be that psycho who doesn’t let her man speak to other females.

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
“YASSS I just love when I make my lady fight over me!!! But I’ll be sure to get pissed at her later for being crazy.”

But then this behavior continues for longer than you’d expected…

(Okay dude, it’s been a couple weeks now… Amanda’s an adult woman and can fend for herself!)

Then his friend Sarah fails out of graduate school and is devastated. And once again, it’s Superman to the freakin’ rescue.

OKAY SUPERMAN WHAT ABOUT ME???

There is a difference between being a Good Samaritan and trying to play Superman to every nearby damsel in distress.

He’s your main squeeze after all. You want to spend date night talking about your own life rather than Amanda’s ex’s rebound girl. You don’t want to chat for hours about how Sarah’s “jerk of a Philosophy professor ruined her GPA.”

Nothing against Amanda or Sarah, but everyone has problems. Your man needs to stay within the bounds of what’s appropriate. Taking a call during date night should be a major exception to the rule. And if you tell him you’re not comfortable with him hand-delivering an expensive Chardonnay to Amanda’s place at 9 pm, then he should respect that.

Ask yourself: would he do the same thing for a male friend? Did you have to pick up the dinner check the following weekend because he prioritized buying Amanda’s pricey wine? (Not that there’s anything wrong with the woman paying for a date night, but it shouldn’t be for that reason.) Did he self-importantly drone on for twenty minutes about how much his gesture meant to her?

Everyone has different boundaries when it comes to their partner’s behavior toward the opposite sex. Make sure that he cares what those boundaries are. Make sure he’s not crossing them. Make sure he never pits you against his female friends. Make sure that if you calmly ask him to put your needs first, he doesn’t act like you’re being an unreasonable monster… and then call Amanda and Sarah to complain about how jealous you are.  

Make sure he knows he should be your Superman first.

Conclusion

Thank you so much for reading Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date! I hope you found it helpful.

I plan on making dating/marriage advice a semi-regular topic on Maya UnMarketed, so please don’t hesitate to reach out with topic ideas, questions, constructive criticism, etc.

Remember your romantic partner is human and may make mistakes sometimes, but also remember the old, wise, accurate saying: “It’s better to be alone than in bad company.”

I know it’s a crazy dating world out there. And I promise that wonderful men still exist!! If you haven’t found him yet, keep your head up, keep living life, and keep swiping right on those Tinder hunks 😉

Cheers to the wild beautiful journey of life and love!

Xx, Maya If your man passed the test, he might like these… 😉

I’ve rounded up a bunch of pretty picks, from raunchier looks to romantic satin and everything in between. I asked Stephen for a male opinion and he liked the more out-there ones (Go figure!), like this (only $8!!), this, this, (both surprisingly affordable at $24!) and this slightly pricer For Love and Lemons beaut.

However, the striking, unique teddy at the top left of the widget also got the stamp of approval! (AGREED!! It’s deff of my “top three” for this selection.)

(Don’t forget to scroll right! This widget has so many pretty things that I was agonizing over what to put on the front page… Some of the other ASOS teddies on the following pages are seriously drool-worthy as well.)

Eight Types of Guys You Should NEVER Date | Maya UnMarketed
And they dated happily ever after…. <3

Note: As you can tell, this article was gender-specific in terms of my wording. My blog is written with the modern woman in mind, and mathematically speaking, there are far more straight than lesbian or bi women out there. If I’d kept things gender neutral, my pronoun game would have become extremely convoluted.

However, aside from sex-specific details (such as tampons haha) I’d give the same general recommendations to anyone, no matter their gender or sexual orientation. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, and all love is beautiful! Especially when it’s functional, faithful love that builds both people up emotionally!

Related Post

Name
Email *

Decor I Love

height="305px" width="305px" seamless style="border: 0;">

Holiday Bling

Drooling Over This Green Dress So I Had to Give It Its Own Widget

Sweater Weather

height="305px" width="305px" seamless style="border: 0;">